They say that everything is bigger in Texas. And you know what, they are right! Texas is a big ass state. I mean seriously it's like the giant lady wheeling around the grocery store in the complimentary go-kart. Did Texas just eat a couple surrounding states and call it good or what? Anyways, my rant on the enormity of this state is due to the fact that it holds a special spot in my heart now (Yes, I love you go-kart lady at the grocery store).
5. Make sure that any music you listen to consists of band members who possess all their teeth. They also must wear beanies 12 months of the year, and have a minimum of two tattoos. Be wary of too much banjo, steel drum, harmonica, or washboard usage.
My sister Katie and her husband Landon have recently moved to Abilene, Texas with an opportunity to pursue their dreams, and I could not be any happier for them. Not only do I have a reason to travel for a visit, but we all get to watch these two fulfill some of their true passions, all while getting Landon's grad school paid for! However, it would be unwise and down right rude of me to not impart some wisdom and advice to these two as they set out on their journey.
Perhaps the most important thing I could say is that you should never forget where your from. Use your roots to empower you and help you succeed in whatever you are currently doing. With this thought in mind, the following is a list of things to remember, embrace, and ponder upon while you are living your big Texan dream. Enjoy Ya'll!
1. First and foremost, you are strictly forbidden from switching your loyalties to any Texas sports teams. You shall forever be bound to the Giants, Ducks, Blazers, Timbers, and 49ers. To follow anyone else is a cardinal sin that shall be punished with either the gouging of eyes or loss of inheritance.
2. At least once a week look for one of these stickers at the grocery store, and purchase whatever it is attached to.
3. Even though neither of you are big partakers in adult beverages, you should always have a six-pack of Oregon craft-brew in the fridge. Some suggestions; Widmer, Ninkasi, Deschutes, Oakshire, Full-Sail.
4. Fried foods are delicious and tasty, but should only be consumed once or twice a week. If you find yourself in the deep-fryer for 2+ meals in one day, you are being too Texan, and you have a problem. Please remember that all things in moderation.
5. Make sure that any music you listen to consists of band members who possess all their teeth. They also must wear beanies 12 months of the year, and have a minimum of two tattoos. Be wary of too much banjo, steel drum, harmonica, or washboard usage.
6. Remind yourself that you know how to drive in the rain.
7. While we always support regular church attendance, if your local service lasts longer than the standard 1 1/2-2 hours then you are too Texan. In conjunction with this thought, you are also forbidden from letting your pastor make your voting decisions:) Can I get an Amen?!?
8. Attendance is required and mandatory at all future Turkey Bowl games. Your team needs you, and we have a reputation to uphold. Plus we love watching Katie get bowled over by our uncles.
9. Landon, never trade in your cute little running shorts for Wranglers and a cowboy hat. No matter what anyone tells you, you cannot run with your chaps on.
10. If we ever find a picture of you two doing the "Hook-em' Horns!" pose, you will be executed.
11. Find yourself a coffee shop whose primary colors are not green and white. Something nice and quiet that serves delicious pastries and puts weird designs on the top of their drinks.
12. No matter the cost, you must always buy a christmas tree during the holiday season. Oh yeah, it also must be a Noble, and it must come from a man named Walter (pronounced Valter). You may end up driving a long way to make this happen.
13. For Landon, Remember that you are in charge of taking care of the little Mongrel while you guys are away. We thank you ahead of time for handling her annoying hunger pains, awkward attachment to sentimental objects, crying over not-that-important moments, and inability to wake up in the morning. Even through all of these flaws, she is an amazing woman who loves you and loves Jesus. What more could a man ask for. We know that you agree with all of these things, and there could not be a better man for the job.
14. For Kathy, Make sure you and Landon carry on the tradition of dolphins & whales. I think that playing this game on a bi-weekly basis should be suffice. In all seriousness though, my hope for you is that you continue to be a crafty, adventurous, and beautiful wife to Landon. You too are lucky to have a man who loves the Lord and you so well. Find a job or something fun to do down there in the heart of Texas, and then excel at it. Try not to be stressed about anything for too long, and if you are, just eat a bowl of Cranberry Almond Crunch. I love you and hope that this chapter of life is a highlight in your life.
15. For both of you, We all love you and miss you. However, we couldn't be more excited for the two of you and what the future holds. We look forward to visiting you, and hearing stories about your experiences (Seriously, your going to meet some jacked-up Texans!). Continue to follow Christ, and keep him at the center of your marriage. If you guys do this, then you cannot fail. Also find something uniquely Texan that you guys can do together. I'm not sure what that means but find a hobby or become connoisseurs of sweet tea drinking, something Texan you know. Finally, just remember again that you are loved and supported by your entire family, all your friends, coach Arvin, the beard, Buster, Bruce, Zeb (in heaven rip), and anyone in the world named Chris. Good luck! and Merry Chris!
From,
RyRy
